I thought Phuket was supposed to be this lovely little beach community where people went to relax and be peaceful. Don't ask me why I thought that, I'm sure it's just ignorance. It's a hell hole. But more on that later!

Before we arrived in Phuket, we spent a few days (including New Years Eve) in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Phnom Pehn seems like a really really awesome place... if you're a 60 year old single white male and looking for a young girl to help you forget your loneliness. Most places we went seemed to have old dudes with young ladies awkwardly "enjoying" each other's company. Also, the Killing Fields are really fun. Oh no, wait... depressing.

One night we had Happy Pizza. It made me anxious. It wasn't much of a happy time. Another night we ate tarantulas.

Tarantulas, Yum!

Tarantulas, tastes like chicken.

Also, one time, I ate cockroaches. It wasn't till we got to Chiang Rai, but here's what it looked like:

They tasted like flowers smell

The aftermath.

On New Year's Eve we took it pretty easy. We started out at this sweet place called the Zeppelin Bar. They have this huge collection of 70's and 80's Rock and Heavy Metal on vinyl and just play that all night. The guy accepted my request for "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden. My friend Ronnie would have loved this place. Oh yeah, they had Canadian Club there too. After 4 of those we moved on to find somewhere that was doing a countdown. We ended up at a place in which we were the only white people. We got there just before the countdown and left promptly after. I got weirded out because I looked around after the clock struck 12:00 and everyone was looking at us. It was almost like a scene out of a movie. You know, where the camera does a 360 pan and everyone is staring into the lens? Yeah, just like that.

They were just giving them away

Okay, so then we went to Phuket. Now, before I trash Phuket any more (and I will), I have to say that we actually had a pretty good time there. The reason we were going in the first place was to meet up with Laura's parents and some of Laura's Norweigian family, who vacate there often. They were fun, the beaches were really nice (however, crowded), the water was crystal clear, and I got a badass tan (that has already mostly faded away). So, you know, it's not where you are or what you do, but who you're with that makes something worthwhile.

The Norweigian connection

So many beach umbrellas

If you ever want to experience open contempt for people other than Americans, Phuket is the place to go. Everyone there hates Russians. If you're talking to someone who isn't Russian, as soon as they find out you're also not Russian, they'll tell you they hate Russians. I found it funny because everyone was so comfortable just letting you know that they hated Russians. Every single Russian. Hate them. Usually when I tell people that I hate another race or culture, I at least try and sugar coat it with something like "I'm not racist but..." or "I don't want to stereotype but...". We only really got the "Russian" experience once. It was on this awful tour we took to Koh Phi Phi.

So, I know you're really not supposed to go on these package tours cause they're usually a rip-off and often don't turn out the way you expect, but we wanted to see Koh Phi Phi so we took a chance.

They picked us up at 7:30am. That sucks enough on it's own. After a 45 minute drive and a 45 minute wait, we were ready to go! Or at least, we would if one of the boat's engines wasn't broken. After another 45 minute wait (we're now 45 minutes behind schedule) we were off!! As we pulled away from the dock, they inform us the boat capacity is 45, but there are 3 extra people because of a booking error. The boat's capacity is officially 42 according to the sticker on the side, which still wouldn't have been comfortable. Also, it didn't help that there were at least 5 overweight Italians weighing down one side of the boat. Not 10 minutes into the trip we had to stop at some random island to fix the engine again. It only took them an hour. They had to bring in three new carburators and a mechanic. While they tried to fix the engine Laura's dad and Laura's second cousin once removed, Brage (we figured it out) discussed what the real problem was. When we finally got on the boat again the Russians literally yelled at the people who had moved into where they were sitting before.

Our first actual activity was snorkelling. There were at least 6 other tour boats in the bay- there were so many people it was more like swimming through a flabby armed spanking machine. This was followed by lunch which consisted of cramming our feed-holes with excrement from the guests at the 5 star resorts. Buffet Style. When we get back on the boat the Russians yelled at new people in their spots. This time with finger snaps! After colliding with a long tail boat near Koh Phi Phi Ley (no one was hurt) we made it to Maya bay, where they filmed the movie "The Beach". It was nice but we only had 30 minutes because we were so behind schedule. Actually, everyone was back on the boat in 30 minutes except for the Russians who showed up 20 minutes late, unapologetic.

The Beach beach

Approaching the Beach beach

Then it was on to Khai island where we were finally able to buy a much needed beer. It was the only highlight of the tour. When we boarded the boat yet again, there was a 5 foot radius around where the Russians were sitting. Brage, who was pretending to be Canadian, was eavesdropping on a family of Swedes who were trash talking everyone on the boat. Especially the Russians.

Then we ran our of gas.

We got back to the dock about an hour and a half late. After an hour in Phuket traffic, about 15 minutes from our hotel, our shuttle bus driver informs us that he has another pick-up to make at the airport and dumps us on the side of the road. He flags a tuk tuk to take us the rest of the way but only has enough for part of the fare, so we fork over the rest. I doubt he was reimbursed. I know we weren't.

Another gay sunset

Anyway, after Phuket, we moved on to Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand. We loved it in Chiang Mai. People are nice to you there even if they're not trying to sell you anything. The first few days we spent with Laura's parents. We saw a bunch of temples (there are about 300 in Chiang Mai), ate some good food, and did an elephant thing.

An Elephant

It's like a suction cup!

Elephant Trunk

Laura's parents left after a few days and but we stuck around in Chiang Mai. There are way more North Americans in Chaing Mai than in the South of Thailand, or anywhere else we've been for that matter. A few nights ago a dreadlocked hippie was playing music on a little speaker thing around his neck. I asked him "Is that Bassnectar?" and we were friends. His name is Jonesy- he wss with a group of about 12 people all from San Francisco. They reminded me of the kind of people we would meet at Shambhala. There's also a lot of hippie vegan fare in Chiang Mai. There is a restaurant called Blue Diamond that the raw-diet-organic-hipster-vegan folks back home would die for. We ate there as much as we could.

Everyone told me about how wonderful and smiling the Thai people are before we left for the trip. It wasn't until we got to the North of Thailand that I felt like I understood what they meant. When we were in the south islands, there were so many tourists and it felt like the locals were just there to run the resorts, restaurants and taxis. This resulted in what I felt was sometimes either bitter attitudes or superficial encounters. Thai people actually live in Chiang Mai so I felt less like a big dollar sign with arms and legs and a head.

After Chiang Mai it was on to Chiang Rai which is even farther north. Chiang Rai didn't really turn out to be what we expected... We thought it was going to be even more of a hippie haven than Chiang Mai, but it seems more of a transit town than anything. It seemed like tourists just come in for one or two nights before moving on to their next destination. We were going to do some trekking here, but it was a bit expensive so we went on a cycling tour of the country side instead- it was awesome. We finished at the White Temple which made coming here worthwhile 10 times over. It was so cool that it deserves it's own blog post so stay tuned...

Oh yeah, at this one temple in Chaing Mai there were monks praying. You could get super close to their faces and take pictures and they wouldn't flinch or break their concentration or anything. I only got four pictures off before another monk chased me out of the temple with a bo-staff.

Monks, close up, with a wide angle lens

Monks, close-up, with a wide angle lens 2

Monks, close-up, with a wide angle lens 3

Monks, close-up, with a wide angle lens 4

257 Responses to Never go to Phuket

pawnshop in the philippines

The first online pawnshop that you can trust for your cash. We will provide the best for you.
Pawnshop in the Philippines

web design

The All in One design and SEO friendly website is one of the best way nowadays. No additional cost but it is included on the package.
Web Design Gold Coast


where the new pattern of science nad method? video links?
X Men Apocalypse Jacket Evan Peters Quicksilver Leather Jacket


Working with a very large company who love to play poker, soccer, blackjack and others online by the used of trusted betting company online.


Comic Con Apparel

happy fresh

You're so interesting! I don't think I've read a single thing like this before. So good to find somebody with some original thoughts on this topic. Really.. thank you for starting this up. This web site is something that is needed on the web, someone with some originality! IF you have plenty of time please visit my website too.. happyfresh Philippines

hardcore xxx movies

You are so awesome! I don't think I have read through something like that before. So great to discover someone with original thoughts on this subject. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is something that's needed on the web, someone with some originality!hardcore xxx movies

anastrozole price cvs

ble anastrozole infertility anastrozole banned in india anastrozole only pct

Suplemen Sext terpercaya dan

Suplemen Sext terpercaya dan terkenal https://vigpowercapsulebandung.wordpress.com/  di lego dengan harga murah pesan mudah cukup sms saja. PRODUK ASLI HANYA DISINI. ingat Vig Power Capsule Bandung TIDAK DI JUAL DI APOTIK MANAPUN !!!

Pentingnya menjaga kesehatan

Pentingnya menjaga kesehatan kulit menjadikan salon sebagai cara perawatannya, tapi KINI Telah HADIR cra merawat kulit secara alami dan aman di RUMAH, tidak perlu ke salon cukup konsumsi saja OPC Plus Capsule Green World di jamin lebih mudah, leebih terjaga juga lebih murah.

casino explored

Great information. Lucky me I ran across your blog by chance (stumbleupon). I've saved it for later!Casino Explored

Thank you for the information

Thank you for the information cara mengobati mata katarak , and healthy greetings cara megobati mata katarak


What happen on 5 july, do you

What happen on 5 july, do you have any idea? Captain America civil war jacket


A great list of tips... however, some of them are updated due to the fact that the competition for them are surreal.
Obat penghilang bopeng
Obat bopeng bekas cacar air


Obat Nyeri Pada Bekas sayatan bedah

Obat Nyeri Pada Bekas Sayatan Bedah yang sudah terbukti ampuh yaitu dengan Jelly Gamat Gold-G. Obat Nyeri Pada Bekas Sayatan Bedah

arenabet casino

I needed to thank you for this great read!! I certainly loved every little bit of it. I have got you saved as a favorite to look at new things you post…
Arenabet Casino

thanks for the article information is very useful for me

thanks for the article information is very useful for me

Things will be alright in few

Things will be alright in few days.

Guardians of Galaxy 2 Jacket

Obat Operasi Caesar

Ijin Ser gan, Untuk Yang membutuhkan Obat herbal sehabis Operasi Caesar dan Operasi lainnya , Kunjungi blogkami di https://goo.gl/JnpiJf https://goo.gl/hddCo8 https://goo.gl/4QV2o5 https://goo.gl/yyXg3y https://goo.gl/i6VIwU https://goo.gl/WtSCdz


The best Asian betting company who are now the leading in the whole Asia Sbobet and Ibcbet.
Betting Game

I am so exicted to see the

I am so exicted to see the upates from your size.
star wars jacket

Obat Alami Luka Caesar Susah Sembuh

I like this blog, every article you write is the result of your creativity, so the result is very interesting and useful.
Obat Alami Luka Caesar Susah Sembuh


Agen Bola Terbaik siap memberikan anda jenis permainan favorit yang telah semakin berkembang pada saat ini.
taruhan bola di agen bola

edmonton vet clinics

The best of Mercy Animal Hospital in Edmonton that offer spay and neuter to your animals especially dog, cat and so on. This is the fist hospital with modern facilities and also offer products and services.edmonton vet clinics


Excellent site you have got here.. It’s difficult to find excellent writing like yours these days. I really appreciate individuals like you! Take care!!
Agen Sbobet Terpercaya


A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. There's no doubt that that you ought to write more about this subject matter, it might not be a taboo matter but generally people do not talk about such subjects. To the next! Kind regards!!bola tangkas

agen bola

Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after looking at many of the posts I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back often!

agen bola

agen bola

Nice Information. Succes for

Nice Information. Succes for you :) Pengobatan Cerebral Palsy Pada Anak

Kista Bartholin Pecah


One of the best sports world wide is Football which is it is the battle of countries vs countries. Additionally, this over the agen taruhan bola casino web-site is among the most major on-line brand names. Based on all kinds, using one of all of them, Casino cell phone online games are is preferred.


One of the best sports world wide is Football which is it is the battle of countries vs countries. Additionally, this over the agen taruhan bola casino web-site is among the most major on-line brand names. Based on all kinds, using one of all of them, Casino cell phone online games are is preferred.

Diasis Care Capsule

ace maxs


Hello you guys done a great

Hello you guys done a great job by publishing this article, so keep it up. Behind please visit our website at: Agen Green World Medan

jelly gamat

I actually prefer the website this one, because I like the news content that is very amazing and very useful for myself and family :) jelly gamat

hotels in pampanga

If you need tips for famous hotels in Pampanga just click here to find the best hotel that suit your budget with amazing amenities with a friendly staffs that can give all your needs. Philippines is one of the top 100 tourist spot in the world to many guest from different countries visit best places in Philippines and hotel accommodation is very important. hotels in San Fernando Pampanga

chiang mai hotels

Chiang Mai provides the perfect balance of creature comforts and evocative, traditional Thai culture. So chiang mai hotels is one thing you must find if you want to try the beauty of Chiang Mai. There are endless things and fund and hundreds of hotels and especially affordable to save money while on travel.

phuket hotels

One of the best places in Thailand is located in Phuket that as a unique culture and friendly people. Phuket Hotels are also very important when you are having a travel book early where you can find online on different websites and look for promos and budget hotels to save money.

phuket hotels

One of the best places in Thailand is located in Phuket that as a unique culture and friendly people. Phuket Hotels are also very important when you are having a travel book early where you can find online on different websites and look for promos and budget hotels to save money.

aluminum fences

Aluminum fences direct is one of the famous company contractor company in Dallas. It specialist different fence design and installation also accept on residential and commercial purposes. aluminum fences

phuket hotels

One of the best places in Thailand is located in Phuket that as a unique culture and friendly people. Phuket Hotels are also very important when you are having a travel book early where you can find online on different websites and look for promos and budget hotels to save money.


When you arrived at Phuket one famous tourist spot and Island that you must like in paradise before travelling please visit the fobesbooking.com for phuket hotels for your accommodation.


Bangkok is one of the most favorite tourist spot in the world and before travel or having a vacation the most important is the accommodation where you can stay and relax during vacation Bangkok Hotels is very important. So

Iron Maiden Concert

Hello you guys done a great job by publishing this article, so keep it up

Very interesting trip

Glad ive read this. Yeah, russians also in pattaya have their own clubs and no one else messing around there. they have their own place. me and my fiance were thnking of going to phuket but after reading this nah. it changed my mind. You are right. Thai people in touristic areas have different attitude. They are there to work only. One time we did the Pattaya buggy ride and could not enjoy that moment of my tour. They make you sign a piece of paper with the rules you cannot break the wheels because you need to pay any damages but the wheels looks like it can break any time during the ride. Totally ripped off. The gay thai guy was so annoying and keeps repeating his offer about the elephant tour for a lower price even after my uncountable refusal.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may insert videos with [video:URL]

More information about formatting options

By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.